Making new friends is scary and despite what you might think, its really outside of my comfort zone. That’s where life happens, though – outside your comfort zone. I recently visited White Sands National Park and along the way, I added two new friends to my community!
On my way through New Mexico, I stopped to stretch my legs at this historic mansion. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be there, so when the owner was hanging out I was pleasantly surprised! After talking for a bit and giving me a history lesson on the house, I learned that we were from the same part of Colorado, he had previously lived out of his car while traveling, and we clearly had a love for old, run down houses. He has some ambitious goals involving the mansion, some of which include turning it into a camp area for people just like me! He seemed kind and left me with his information in case I ever needed some insight into the van life.
While at White Sands, I was more intentional about making a new friend, which is even harder! It can be tough to make friends as an introvert, especially if you’re neurodivergent. Balancing being interested in the other person and being too intense isn’t the easiest, so it’s amazing when the person you’re trying to make friends with pushes the conversation forward.
I think I learned the trick, though, since we’re all out here trying to do our best. This is my advice on how to make friends:
- Acknowledge the awkwardness
- Be intentional
- Be grateful
- Be intentional (some more)
We’re all aware how difficult it can be to make friends, particularly as an adult. I think acknowledging how uncomfortable that is really brings down the walls and shows vulnerability! It also helps to be intentional. Simply saying “I’m looking for friends” can make a conversation entirely different. It helps clarify your intentions so that others aren’t guessing, and also opens up the doors for exchanging information. I find it more comfortable for everyone if I give them my Instagram handle instead of my phone number. It’s more casual and sometimes, that is absolutely okay. It takes the pressure off of forcing a friendship that might actually not be there.
Of course, if you do connect after you meet your new friend, I think thanking them for letting you be weird or vulnerable is kind. It helps break the ice, too. Once you’ve done that, bring it back around to why you’re here anyway – making friends! If you don’t feel comfortable asking them about themselves outright, remind them (and yourself) that you’re trying to make friends and it’s okay to say that part out loud.
My last piece of advice – if you’re going to be in an area for a length of time, it helps to make friends as you’re getting into town, not while you’re leaving! I met my new friend at White Sands while I was leaving El Paso, which was a bummer because I’d fully lost my opportunity to ask to hang out while I was in town. She was very nice and so friendly! This experience has really left me feeling quite empowered.
What do you think – did I crack the code? How do you make friends? Any funny friend-making stories?
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